Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Rules For Survival

Courtesy of my Canadian friend Lisa, here are some rules to survive as a
French student:

1. Ensure you are not late for class, as this is an invitation for
beration from the professor in front of the entire classes
2. Assignments which are said to be mandatory are really flexible.
3. All deadlines are flexible.
4. Ensure you sit next to a friend so you can conduct full volume
conversations throughout class
5. Turn up the volume on your cell phone so it disrupts the entire
class.
6. Ignore the sign on the wall that says "defense de fumer"
7. Be prepared to go to 2-3 classes before knowing the full grading
scheme
8. In order to signal the professor that it is time for a break, simply
increase the volume of conversations.
9. Be able to completely ignore the frequent shushing of the professor
with a clear conscience.
10. While fellow students are presenting to the class, continue all
private conversations.
11. Do not ask questions of fellow students following presentations, to
ensure that they are not embarassed when they don't know the answer -
as that is more important than actually learning.
12. Keep many photos on your computer, so that you can have a large
group of students gather around you to chat during a presentation
13. Even if the professor is sitting beside you or behind you - keep
your MSN conversations active (you wouldn't want to be rude)
14. When you actually stop talking, begin chewing gum loudly with your
mouth open so your neighbors can hear you clearly.
15. When your cell phone rings (it will), look around, smile and pretend
it isn't your phone. Turn the ringer off. When the person calls again
(they will), answer and hold a full conversation, without leaving
class.
16. If you are too lazy to do the readings for class, it is acceptable
to blame your lack of of preparation on technical problems.
17. Ensure your cell phone rings loudly at least once per class, or
people may begin to think you're not popular.
18. If you are too far from a smoking area, simply open a window and
smoke at will.
19. Cough loudly and sneeze often without regard to those around you
(the double-kisses must be causing continual colds)

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